5 Black Life Moments We Can All Relate To

• The Black man nod:  The black man nod is key to being a dope brotha.  Just a quick upwards nod of acknowledgment letting the other brotha know you’re down.  If you do speak, it’s just a quick “Hey what’s up now?”  and keep it movin.  Nothing is worse than greeting another brotha with the black man nod and he looks at you like it’s code for “I’m gonna push you in the mudd, sucka!”.  

 

• Catching The Beat:  I can’t dance.  As a matter of fact, no Johnson man can dance but what we can do is catch the beat and two-step with the best of em!  If you put on 69 Boyz “Toosie Roll” I might give you a little sumthin sumthin but other than that I don’t have much for ya.  Me and my boy Alex can groove and bounce with the best of em tho.  We ain’t hittin no Quan or Milly Rockin but we can, have and will put the funk on and vibe like you’ve never seen before.  As much as I’d love to dance like Kid n’ Play or those kids from the Vine videos, I groove more like the Uncle with the semi-dry jheri curl fro at the family reunion.

• Drunkenly talk real shit that devolves into conspiracy theories:  We’ve all been there before.  You’re at a cookout.  Everyone is drinkin Hennessy and jammin to Mothership Connection. You made a couple plates and feeling good.  All the brothas have been drinkin since 1pm and now it’s 11 and only the dope cats are still around.  That’s when it gets real.  The Mothership Connection is replaced with the Curtis Mayfield’s classic Curtis/Live.  We are just outside standing up drinkin and start talkin about how we as black men need to get our stuff in order.  Not on some respectability politics type shit, just on some WE meaning us in this circle gotta make it happen.  Suddenly, there’s always one brotha who will start talkin that illuminati shit.  Next thing you know, MJ got murdered by the build a bear group and the government put AIDS in our chicken nuggets.  

• Getting together and being super loud:  We love to, as Biggie so eloquently put it, Party n’ Bullshit.  Whether it’s yelling “DOMINO NIGGA!” as you destroy the table or arguing about Jay-Z vs. Nas like it’s an arguments about family members, we love to do it AS LOUD AS POSSIBLE.  Spades table?  Watch the fuck out!  Talking about your favorite Martin episode?  Outsiders will be asking themselves, “Why are they being so aggressive and loud talking about ‘I’m not payin the five’?  They look like they’re about to fight but they’re laughing and running in circles.”  

• Gettin that fresh line up: Nothing is more important to the dope brotha than getting that fresh line up.  Black’ish did a whole episode about the importance of having a crisp line.  Having a dope haircut means absolutely nothing unless your line up is on point.  When your line up is on point you leave the barbershop thinking, no, knowing that you can conquer anything, pull any chick and just walk around like you’re that dude.  The only downside is that your powers can and will fade so in order to stay in optimal dopeness we must at least get a line up every week.  I’ve went weeks without getting my line up right because I didn’t have the time and boy oh boy, when your lineup is raggedy you leave the house KNOWING you won’t conquer shit, no girl is gonna talk to you and wear a hat you never wear because the line up is mad embarrassing.  My friends Becky and Emily will comment whether my lineup is up to snub and if they notice it’s rough then it’s time to go see Styles and fix it.  Can’t be dope without it.