Slow Dancing is Great For Any Couple

Slow dancing isn’t just for Jr. high kids trying to grab butts and rub up against each other.  Slow dancing is super intimate and a great way to break the mood and get all romantic-like with ya boo.  Here are a few webetterthanthat approved songs for certain people and or situations.

If you and your lady both love John Mayer( or only you do and this is the only song she tolerates): John Mayer’s “Slow Dancing (In a Burning Room)” -this is a chill song with a steady vibe and sexy, sexy guitar playing from John Mayer.  It’s got a easy groove to it that makes even the left footed of guy able to stay on beat and slow dance.  plus you got her to listen to John Mayer without taking shit so it’s a win/win.  *Side note for the advanced Mayer fan:  After you get done with “Slow Dancing (In a Burning Room) Play “I’m Gonna Find Another You” and see if she notices lyrics.

If you wear linen suits, Stacy Adams shoes and a bluetooth:  Heatwave-“Always and Forever”-This song is perfect for the 50+ year old black dudes who looks like Melvin from Baby Boy.  “Always and Forever is kinda the perfect slow dancing jam cause you can try to sing along while you’re slow dancing with her and if you’re really bout that life, you can stop dancing and sing to her when the singer starts hitting all the high notes.  If you can’t sing, then DO NOT try this move as it will kill the mood and you’ll end up like Bilal from House Party.  

If your lady is a Metalhead stoner but you still wanna get tender and warm her cold nordic heart: Sunn O)))- “Hunting and Gathering” you both have to be super high for this one.  You throw this bad boy on and slowdance, not only will she think you’re tuff AF, but the sex will be otherworldly, i.e. weird!

If you’re dating a Claire Huxtable type: John Coltrane-“Say it(Over and Over Again)”: Playing Jazz Mood music is a great way to slow dance and John Coltrane made some of the sexiest and smoothest jazz of the post-bob era.  If you play this it has to be on vinyl, nice speakers and you have to kiss her passionately after the song is over.  But if you’re dating a Claire Huxtable type, you gotta be wearing a nice suit, have some expensive champagne and be all super smooth and shit and know how to be romantic while you’re both slow dancing. 

If you and your lady are both pretentious hipsters: Sigur Ros-“(Vaka)”: This song is beautiful with it’s tender piano and made up gibberish love sounding lyrics.  The Criterion version of Godard’s Perriot Le Fou has just finished and instead of watching the bonus features, you decide to share a moment of oneness with your significant other.  You find your “(Vaka)” 7-inch and put it on the record player you got from an old man and his longtime boyfriend of 67 years because they moved to Prague.  You take off her Warby parker clear frames and as the song starts, you gently hold the small of her back, she holds on to your vintage suspenders and you and she become one with the song.  How beautiful.  It’s especially beautiful because you snapchatted the entire dance putting your iphone on a tripod.

If you miss your wife cause she passed away: George Jones- “He Stopped Loving Her Today”- You’re sitting there drinking your whiskey and coke, eating your loose meat sandwich you bought from The Landford Lunchbox and start to cry because you miss your wife of 58 years who died 7 years ago from Pneumonia.  You still have all her clothes hung up in the closet; just as she left them.  You miss her so much that you go to the bedroom and grab that dress she wore when you took her to Paris for the 50th anniversary.  It’s a gorgeous red dress that her friend, Emily made as a gift.

The tears are still running down your face, but a smile fights it’s way thru because you remember that time at the bakery in Paris where you slow danced with her while a Parisian band played a beautiful French ballad and you remember how that dress felt on her body.

So you fold the dress and place it ever so delicately on your arm and walk over to the computer and find her favorite George Jones song and press play.  As you slow dance with the dress, the tears begin to dry up and you can’t help but to smile.  It’s like she’s there with you, if only for a moment.  When the song is over you gently place the dress back on the hanger, hangs it back in the closet and tenderly say “I love you, Lillian”.  

It Started at Karaoke and Ended In Love: The Sarah and Andy Tale

 I enjoyed telling my friend Justin and his lady Angelene’s story so much that I decided to do it again; Cleveland cool kid style so here’s the story about the first time Sarah and Andy met and their first date from their point of view.  I love this story because it’s super cute, borderline twee and that’s right up my alley.  So without further chitter-chatter, I give you the greatest karaoke love story ever told. 

Sarah’s version:  Hi! So we first met at a karaoke bar. I almost didn’t go out that night but my friends insisted. I went to go get a drink, and there was Andy! There was something about him that I found super cute. I told him I liked his shoes, he said thanks- they had zippers! That is the extent of my smooth game. You wouldn’t think looking at Andy, that he would nail an usher song, but shortly after our shoe conversation he was called to the stage where he sang “Nice and Slow” (which is one of his signature songs Andy sings to this day when we go out). I was next, I had a duet with my friend singing “Hey Ya”. The whole time I kept hoping he would not leave. Obviously he didn’t! By then it was last call, so we exchanged info, and went our separate ways. But there was a connection. A strong one. It was not just the booze.  

We texted back and forth for a few days and decided to have a few drinks and play pool for our first date. He picked me up and he was listening to Beirut which made me melt just a bit more. When we got there we got some beers and played some pool for a bit. I don’t know why I think I can play, yeah we had a pool table in my basement growing up, but having a pool does not make one a pro! At one point we think two guys were trying to swindle us into a game, but we refused to play. It was super shady, but also pretty hilarious. After a while we went over to the bar and played the touchscreen trivia thing. I was a bit tipsy at that point and wanted to make sure he liked me so I would randomly press my legs to the side, against his. That is how normal people flirt, right?   Oh man. Anyways, that was pretty much it, we left after a while, he drove me home, and that was it! We hugged, no kiss. He was a gentleman! We went out again if not the next day, the day after. I was like those cartoons with the hearts circling around their heads after the date. He was it! I knew it.

Andy’s version:  So my version of how I met Sarah is as follows.  I actually don’t think I was planning on going out that night but my friend, Eric tempted me with talk of karaoke(which is something I like)..
I see three girls kind of giggling and stuff and one really caught my eye. Obviously, I’m talking about Sarah.   I kind of left my friend Eric there to go over and chat them up (which is very uncharacteristic of me).  I made some jokes about the fact that I was wearing Roo’s, you know, like masterclass flirting here. I guess between that and my soulful singing I was able to get number.
Our first date?  I was actually pretty calm but I called my sister to let her know that I was REALLY into this girl and I hoped the date went well.  We went to a pool hall and being the gentleman that I am I CRUSHED her dreams of ever beating me in pool. Then we went over to the bar and played the Megatouch game, photo hunt and the sort, and for some reason her leg kept brushing up against mine; I found out later this wasn’t accidental.  Masterclass flirting on her part.  
The date went great, obviously and here we are many moons later and engaged to be married. Classic story really.

So what I can gather from this beautiful love tale is to not be afraid to go up to a gal or fella you’re attracted to and pull off some masterclass flirting.  Talk about your shoes if they have zippers or at least something weird or interesting about yourself to ease into the conversation.  Also, a karaoke night might just do the trick.  You gotta sing songs from artists from the ATL and you’ll fall in love.  

I’ve known Sarah for a bit since the days when we use to work at a record store together and she’s quite possibly one of the kindest and nicest humans on urf and from what the Facebook.com tells me this Andy fella is kinda swell as well; I mean he likes Beirut, sings nasty Usher songs at karaoke AND owns shoes with zippers on them so you know he’s a pretty good fella.  I wish the two of you all the happiness in the world and very much appreciate telling your stories for webetterthatthat.com.  Thanks.  

Monday Ramblings about Dating and Love

Over the weekend one of my all time favorite people/friends/fellow skinny person got proposed to by her dude and that was pretty groovy for her and for my idea of love.  The day before I was wondering does love really exist because I’d just watched the 2015 absurd “love story” The Lobster, directed by Yorgos Lanthimos who directed one of my favorite Foreign Films, Dogtooth.  The Lobster pretty much is life if you were forced to live being single for 45 days as Death Cab For Cutie’s “The Sound Of Settling”.  In the movie, if Colin Farrell, who has a fat belly and is super awkward, can’t find a suitable mate and fall in love he will be turned into an animal; a lobster in his case.

The idea of settling is bad enough, but i can get on board with the lie if it means living the rest of my days as a human, and not an animal.  The troubling part that gave me existential grief over the weekend was when we find out you have to go to this hotel to find a mate and fall in love no matter the circumstances.  So if the love of my life dies, or somehow comes up missing I still have to go to the hotel and, for self preservation, “fall in love” with a new partner.  That’s messed up; especially if you’ve already been in real love and your wife died, AND you’re on a bullshit time clock?  I won’t spoil any real parts of The Lobster because it’s a wonderful movie and I hope everyone in the Universe sees it!  

We live in this weird time for dating where if you’re 30 or over and single you’re looked at unfavorably by the majority of society.  “She must be crazy, that’s why she’s single” or “I bet he listens to nothing but Drake and keeps bottles of pee in his front patio, that’s why he’s single.”  I’ll say this:  I’m surrounded by friends who are in loving relationships and marriages so I know it’s a reality and can, and will happen.  I also see a bunch of sad sack, folks who just said fuck it and settled on some ok person and now they’re 10 years in a miserable marriage with no way out; or miserable, but won’t say shit cause the alternative is perceived as worse than being in a loveless relationship.  “Eww who want’s to be single in their thirties?”  That’s the same person who’s gonna have a mid life crisis at 46 and go American Beauty on the whole operation.  

It there a timetable on falling in love?  It there that one true love for you out there just wating for you to grow a pair and walk up to her in that bookstore and say hello?  If you’ve been in love and it doesn’t work out, is there another “that one true love”, but this time you say fuck book stores cause you’ve been hurt before?  Or does practice make perfect?

I was talking to a good buddie of mine about the idea of dating.  He’s a brotha too and we both agree that most brothas use the term dating the same way your grandparents and zach and kelly used the term “going steady”.  We seem to be in a minority on this one because I hear all these people talk about “we’re just dating.”  Are we confusing, dating with going on dates or are me and my buddie thinking about this dating thing all wrong?  I’d like to think we’re right.  Saying we’re dating should be a declaration of a possible big kid relationship; moving in and turning into that lame couple who waits for each other to watch The Night Of.  Saying we’re dating should hold some kind of weight and not just a “we’ll see what happens” idea.  Going on a bunch of dates is like the ugly dude at the club who plays the numbers game; if he goes up to 88 girls at least one is bound to at the very least say “why not” and dance with his pathetic ass and possibly kick it after.  A lady a work told me I have to go on as many dates to know if there’s a connection.  That’s the same thing as throwing shit on a window and seeing what sticks; what’s the point?  I get that you can’t just be at the house mad you’re alone but you can’t just go up to whatever random ass person just cause they’re in proximity.  I live by the ethos that when there seems like there may be a connection you gotta go for it.  If she says no or just laughs at you cause you got on flip flop then that’s cool and keep it moving.  

I remember I was with one of my best friends, Ray at Cartel coffee shop of all places.  I was meeting him there before heading to Taste of Tops up the street when I saw this beautiful sista walk in.  She was pretty; she was rockin that gorgeous natural look.  We made eye contact, but I didn’t do anything.  Ray walked in as she walked out and he said that shorty do wop was looking at me on her way out.  I was in line and that was my excuse NOT to go for it.  I remember him telling me “Fuck that coffee, Go talk to her”  I hopped out of line and b-lined it to the exit and I didn’t see her.  I walked around the building, nothing.  Ran into Casey’s.  Maybe she was there.  Nope!  Brotha Ray even looked around to see if he saw her.  Nothing.  I was kicking myself in the ass for not just talking to her.  Ray even told me that I let that get away.  Maybe that would’ve been the love of my life or maybe she would’ve told me she don’t date brothas under 6’.  But that moment I didn’t’ go with my instinct and see what’s up.  That was the moment where if I thought it was about something, i’d at least open my mouth and speak to her.  That tactic has backfired more than has worked out; mainly because there’s a lot of attractive, yet uninteresting people in this world, but one day it’s gonna work and I’m gonna be smitten like when Ethan Hawke had his nose wide open when he met Julie Delpy on Before Sunrise.  I don’t wanna just be the person who says “we dated for a couple months, but it just didn’t work out.”  That always seems like a waste of time for me and that’s why I haven’t pursued a few women, because I know it’s not gonna work out so what’s the point?  It’s not the best way to go about this dating thing but when I find the love of my life I’ll be justified in my methods.

The goal is not to feel like if I don’t find love, i’m gonna turn into a lonely ass lobster.  Becoming a more positive person is always key to finding love.  I’m working on that.  Expanding my net socially, as it were, is another key.  Seeing the video of my friend getting engaged curbed my existential crisis about love and I feel less like a neurotic Woody Allen protagonist and more like Chow Mo-wan in Kar Wai-Wong’s In the Mood for Love falling in love with Mrs. Chan.   

Swift goes down! Swift goes down! Kimye WINS!!!!!!

A family who petties together, stays together

I’ve been in LA for about five days and it was literally the vacation I needed. I’ve done literally nothing but relax.  I was able to hang out with family and just drink beer and talk shit, it was nice.  The Johnson men bonded over the new HBO show The Night Of… Saturday night and how my Dad thought it was fun trolling his sons talk about how he gonna vote for Trump. Friday we went and saw some improv at UCB and it was dope.  Finished Bojack Horseman and it’s kinda my favorite show of all time now!  I was more hype on maxin’ and relaxin’…until KimYe said “naw nigga, let me give you this jolt  of pure petty right quick.” and released these series of snapchats proving T-Swift was on some bullshit over the “Famous” lyric.   I’m an unapologetic Kanye stan so imma ride with Yeezus all day–except 808 & Heartbreaks, never got into it.  I also fux with Kim K mainly because she makes people so damn upset for no reason.  I like big butts, crazy chicks and white girls who like brothas so she’s right up my alley.  I was just loungin last night watching The League talkin equipmunk and playin on my phone and I saw something about Kanye and Taylor Swift so you know a brotha had to click and it was like Christmas, Hanukkah and Frank Ocean finally coming out with an album levels of excitement all at once

“You guys i love the Lyric, but know in the media I’ll say otherwise?”

Here’s the thing.  If you rock with #KimYe you’re gonna be talkin all the shit on Twitter about Taylor getting caught in a lie; might even use the Kermit sippin Tea meme or a picture of Kim and Kanye eating ice cream.  If you rock with Talyor you’re totally gonna be on her side even if she got exposed as a liar and be on some “well they recorded the convo without her consent, that’s, like totally classless.”  You’re gonna still talk shit about him and his wife no matter what the snapchats revealed.  But facts is facts and the fact is T-Swift knew about the line and STILL wanna play the victim.  I bet Calvin Harris pushed the button.  My man called the West/Kardashian red phone and just said “Send It” and hung up.  I would like to believe John Mayer and Harry Styles was in the room too waiting with baited breath.  Loki even tried to call Kanye and save his girl, but the deed was already done.  Kim ETHERED Tayor and blew up the internet.  #KimExposedTaylorParty was immediately trending and made for extra fun with this amazing takedown.  Love wins over manipulation and hateration all in the dancery.  Webetterthanthat is all about being petty to prove points.  Nobody is above being served a dose of that real, including tall, beautiful and talented singers who made 1989, one of the best pop albums in over a decade.  

Also to you total bummer ass suckas who are out in these streets talkin that “this is a distraction” malarkey you can save all that.  Cat’s can still care about #Blacklivesmatter, the murders in Nice,  the coup in Turkey and the clown show we call the RNC in Cleveland and still wanna talk about KimYe, T-swift and Pokemon Go.  Staying Woke, being petty and wanting to have fun is our God given right as humans.  Now let’s see how this Khloe/Chloe side-battle turns out, shall we?

 

The Chadchelorette: Week 3

Finally had a chance to catch up on The Bachelorette.  I keep forgetting that the show is an hour and a half on Hulu and I had to watch 2 episodes back to back.  After this I’m gonna watch Rambo, hit the gym and listen to the manliest artist of all time…DRAKE, wait I mean John Mellencamp.  Anyway, let’s talk about what the whole 3 hours of The Bachelorette was about, Chad.  But first some other minor things happened.  

• Three forgettable dudes where sent home the first episode.  Ali was in the background the whole time, I forgot that other dude was even on the show and the brotha who looks like Tom Dubois was weak.  Cartoon characters don’t belong on network dating shows.
• All the dudes except for Chad are pretty big crybaby sensitive dudes.  Kinda fake nice
• Just like last week’s firefighting date, I would’ve given JoJo a hug and bid her adieu when i seen we were gonna do yoga.  Brotha Du’Waun got a  back that don’t bend and it would’ve been all bad.
• The two musical acts Charles Kelley and Dan + Shay…Who are these people?  Are they famous?  Am I just some hipster doofus who only knows Future and indie music from 1999-2008?  
• Has anyone ever smashed on the first date on The Bachelorette?  Someone let me know.
• Evan is probably the lamest cat to ever hit reality tv.  How you gonna call yourself a man and literally tattle tale on the homie Chad?  That’s some sucka shit.
• These cat’s in the house are mad gossipy.
• The yoga lady and the first orgasm lady from the comedy show was super hot.  I wanna see more of them.  ABC, Give them their own shows.
• Daniel called my boy Chad Hitler, then said be Mussolini or Bush Jr instead.  Canadians are fucked up.
• How does the producers of the show think it’s a good idea to put Ben Roethlisberger, a dude who’s been accused of rape, on a dating show?  That was odd casting.  Do better!
• Wells is still on the show which is great,  he’s not gonna win but seeing the skinny cat on the come up is great to see.  Glad to see the brotha Grant is still on the show as well.
• And then there was Chad!  Aka He who eats a raw sweet potato on tv.

Chad is a different kinda dude wherein he’s kinda insane and the bad guy but I kinda root for the bad guy.  I wanted to root for him cause I do think these cats are messing with him just cause he’s doing his thing.  They’re accusing Chad of being on steroids and snitching to JoJo and the host about him.  Of course he’s being a meathead and being kinda lame but the other contestants are being  passive aggressive to him and just making him mad just cause he wanna do some dumbbell presses and eat crazy amounts of meat.  Chad knows he’s on tv.  He knows he’s not gonna win so he’s just trying to parlay this into the next move.  

The saddest 2 parts in the Chad saga is when A. he got curbed in front of all the dudes and a bunch of comedy nerds and B. when his nemesis got the rose and he knew it was over.  Being sad and confused in the wilderness has to be awful.  I’d rather be sad at a bar.  Chad played the game all wrong.  He probably could’ve made it farther if he wouldn’t have been trying to fight everyone on some dumb shit.  I somewhat sympathize for Chad in a way.  I’m all about not taking shit from anyone, especially if cats are being passive aggressive and talkin shit.  I’m all about the fight, but anyone who will fight knows that even if you win, you end up losing, especially if it’s anything to do with a woman but you’re not fighting for her honor.  Chad must’ve never seent the great Dave Chappelle sketch about when keeping it real goes wrong.  

Here’s what I hope happens.  I hope they bring Chad back like in a few weeks and he bum rushes the whole operation.  I don’t know if they do that on The Bachelorette but that would be dope.  Here’s the real question?  Since Chad is gone I wonder who these petty fellas are gonna go after?  I think Aaron Rodgers’ lil bro is about to be public enemy number one.  Wells is gonna go home next round and hopefully that sad sac snitch with the bad haircut who’s nose bleeds because of water get’s the boot as well.  This show is pretty damn entertaining and JoJo got a nice butt so imma keep watching.  My boy Justin, who watches with his lady, was right, this week’s episodes does not disappoint. Chad you came into our lives like Miley on that wrecking ball and we’re better trash tv viewers for it.  

The Bachelorette Episode 2: Hurricane Chad

So this is a real thing now, this is happening.  I am actually committed to watching The Bachelorette.  If my buddy Justin can watch it, albeit with his girlfriend, then so can it, sans girlfriend tho.  Anyway, episode two had everything I love in life:  Pettiness, ESPN and watching minor confrontations between meatheads calling other meatheads meathead.  Let’s break down Episode 2 shall we.

• Episode two and I’m changing my mind about who I’m rooting for.  Last week I was rooting for Aaron Rodgers lil bro but now it’s brotha Grant out of San Fran is the cat imma root for.  He’s corny but I gotta root for the black dude even if his line up game is garbage.  The other brotha looks like Tom Dubois from The Boondocks so I can’t root for a cat who looks like a real life cartoon character.
• Why does the homie Bryan’s tag still say Hipster.  That’s hilarious
• The DJ from Tennessee and the Hipster dude needs their own show.  It can be on CMT.  They’ll go on a cross country road trip on a search for friendship and love.  I probably wouldn’t watch it but I bet someone would.
• I commend Wells, the DJ, for actually doing the Firefighters date.  If that was me I would’ve gave JoJo a hug and just walked away.  
• The two douchiest dudes, Chad and Damn Daniel are actually the least irritating guys in the house.  They had the greatest metaphor ever in relating the other guys to a protein shake made of weak men.  That’s top level thinking.  I hope “Dude Protein Shake” starts trending all summer.
• When they went to ESPN I would’ve just wanted to geek the freak out and talk Boxing and Football with Max and Marcellus.

And then there’s Chad!  Chad busted up the whole operation and made every dude there look like whiny ass, insecure lame brains.  Chad has become the most hated man in the house only because he wants to work out, eat all the meats and take protein shakes.  When you start hatin on a cat because he’s eating lunch meat and wings is pretty petty.  Say hello to the Chad guy!  He sits there in all his meatheadness and just keeps every dude in the house walking on eggshells or crying to each other about what a bad guy he is.  During the ESPN part when he said JoJo was a nag they all turned into the good character from a Nicholas Sparks novel and clutched the pearls because he wasn’t acting like a punk.  Homie is playing the game the right way.  Except when he’s talking about knocking people’s teeth out.  I think for the most part a girl would almost enjoy seeing a dude give some sucka a two piece except if you’re being a douchey ass bully and starting trouble.  That’s when she’s gonna think you’re an asshole and hate you.  I want the final 3 to be Chad, cornball Craig and Aaron Rodgers’ lil brother and Chad won’t make it past next week if he’s over here beating up short Marines and dudes with bad haircuts.  

9 Thoughts about the Season 12 Premier of The Bachelorette

It’s the summertime and that means there isn’t much dope things to watch for me.  I don’t care about Game of Thrones and hate baseball so I need to find something to watch between work and happy hour so why not season 12 of The Bachelorette?  I’ve never seen The Bachelor or the Bachelorette so I’m coming into this wet behind the ears.  Here’s 9 thoughts I have after watching my first Bachelorette episode.  

1. Ben was all in love with JoJo on last the last season of The Bachelor, but messed around and picked Lauren over JoJo.  Now I don’t know the ramifications of his decision for true Bachelor fans, but I will say JoJo is way cuter than Lauren and Ben is a dummy.  
2. All these dudes are carbon copies of each other.  I’ve always heard about how all of the contestants on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette are all the same but seeing it for myself is super funny to me.  I can’t tell one cat from another.  And even when they threw a couple brothas in the mix it was still the same.  Which brings me to my next point.
3. The brothas they do pick are mad corny.  The homey Grant from SF, whom i’m rootin for, is cool but he’s super cheesy.  Out here makin the light skinnt brothas look kinda lame.  I’m not sayin they gotta get some brotha from the hood.  Nobody want’s to see The Chappelle Show version of the Bachelorette, but if they picked an Idris Elba type brotha that would be the dope shit.   There wouldn’t even be a show.  He’d step out the limo and just take over the whole operation. The black viewership would go up tenfold cause sistas would watch this sexy flexy ass brotha every week and brothas would tune in to see the brotha win.  Them other 24 dudes would be mad salty.
4. It’s Jordan Rogers’ game to lose.  He’s Aaron Rodgers lil brother so automatically he got extra cool points.  Plus, he’s an athlete in his own right even if he’s not the great QB is brother is.  After just one episode I’m confident in saying Jesse is the frontrunner, especially after receiving the “First Impression Rose”.  I’m sure he’s gonna make it to the end, lose to the light skinned brotha Grant and become the next Bachelor following in the footsteps of another failed ex-NFL QB Jesse Palmer from season 5.  We
5. Bringing out 90’s r&b “sensation” All-4-One is not a power move move in 2016.  
6. The Canadians on the show are mad lame.  Shout out to the Producers cause with the Raptors winning and Drake Drakin’ we had to put those hosers in their place.  Between the dude named Daniel whom the only thing he brought to the table was that already tired ass “Damn Daniel” meme to the table and the Asian Kilt dude who made a joke about his wiener being white and not Asian make America feel great again.  Speaking of Asian Kilt dude…
7. Asian Kilt dude had to have been a UCB performer who knew someone cause that shit can’t be real.  Way to”yes and” it my man!
8. Seeing these dudes get hammer wasted and try to hollar at JoJo makes me second guess my Gin and Tonic swag.
9. The rose ceremony is brutal.  Of course I’ve known what the rose ceremony is.  I’m a pop culture geek, but I’ve never actually seen it.  These alpha males turn into insecure puppy dogs while they stand there waiting for their name to be called.  I can only imagine how much more crazy it’s gonna get week to week.  

It All Started at Sandbar and Ended In Love: Angelene’s P.O.V

So we heard Justin’s side of the story yesterday about the first date that spawned the greatest love story ever told.  Well now we can hear the truth from Angelene.  What really went down with the “fake number” at the cab?  Lets find out.

It all happened at Sandbar. I saw Justin from across the bar and kept making eye contact with him and thought he was very handsome with distinct eyebrows. I was so nervous when he stood at the table next to me all alone just tapping his fingers trying to get my attention. He started talking to my friend, Nicole, but I didn’t have the heart to tell him that he’s not her flavor. I had a lot of leafy drinks that night because the bouncer and my personal trainer was buying them all for me. He stood next to mine and Nicole’s table all night and just kept the drinks coming until Justin came by then they stopped. Justin thought the bouncer was my boyfriend but proceeded to still talk to me.  He’s so brave.

I stumbled into a cab with Nicole and thought, “man that guy was cute. Wish I could see him again” and voila, Justin appeared next to the cab!  I invited him to come with us which thankfully he declined. I tried giving him my number but put the wrong number in his phone. I had him put his number in my phone so I had it.

Our first date was at Saketini to eat sushi then watch Finding Nemo in 3D. We text and talked about it and supposedly he set a date. I was used to guys flaking out so I thought, “yeah whatever.”  I made a gourmet quesadilla and was watching Law n Order SVU on a wonderful Saturday night. Justin texted me that he was on his way. I said to where? He said to my house! Drunken me told him where I lived at while at Sandbar. I hurried up and got dressed and painted my nails and gave him the gate code.

He opens the door for me and drives us to our first date. As soon as we arrive to the restaurant, his car starts making a very loud thumping noise. He tells me that his car doesn’t like having other women in it. I thought that was so witty. Stupid car makes that noise every time I’m in even 3 years later. She really does hate other women. Anyways, so we have sushi but I’m not hungry because of gourmet quesadilla. I don’t tell him yet that I fall asleep to every movie and show.  We go to the movie and thankfully it’s in 3D so I can hide my closed eyelids behind the glasses for a couple hours.

We get to the end of the date, Justin walks me to my door and I think we hugged, kept it very PG. Then by the time I’m in the house I text him saying thank you for a wonderful night.

Fin.   

Here’s why hearing the other side of the first date story is important, especially for fellas.  We overthink the first date.  We want everything to go 100% perfect and if there’s any hiccups we automatically wanna deem it a disaster.  Hell, even when we’re approaching a woman for the first time most of us tend to overthink things.  Justin had a million thoughts when he first saw Angelene and all she said was she kept makin eye contact with a dude she thought was cute and who’s eyebrow game was on point.  Even when he got the fake number Justin thought she was playin him for a sucka when in actuality she simply made a mistake and maybe the 7 became a 4.  The cool thing about the story, and where it gives me some hope, is if you try and go for broke you just might meet the love of your life.  In the age of Tinder and all this online dating it’s comforting knowing there’s couples who still make that connection face to face because a fella had the courage to shoot his shot.

 

It started at Sandbar and ended in Love

This is quite possibly the greatest first encounter/first date story of all time.  This story is the beginnings of one of the greatest love story of all time.  The words are all brotha Justin Capello’s.  I liked the story so much I asked him to write about it and here it is. Enjoy.  

Sandbar was the usual spot for me and my friends when it came to meeting up to drink a couple beers, talk about bullshit we dealt with the previous week, and of course we would see what kind of ladies that were out that night. We didn’t take the Sandbar too serious, it quickly became a joke that the oldest lady in the place would get Van’s attention and it didn’t take much to get him on the dance floor. I liked to meet new people and would oblige talking to different groups of people to find out “their story.” During my tours of Sandbar I never took any woman too serious especially when they would approach me and explain how I looked like Drake.  I knew they were too drunk at that point.  Van, my roommate at the time and best friend, talked me into going out to the Sandbar on one Saturday night. He just recently met a lady friend and since she was going up there with some friends I decided to get dressed and celebrate Van and his new “love” connection and it couldn’t hurt to see what her friends looked like. We pregamed at the pad and headed out.  Van quickly found his girl and her two friends.  Of course when there is a big group of people at the bar it is only a matter of time before someone wants to take shots. The only shot I wanted was one in the head!  I am sure they were very nice chicks but I didn’t have the initial physical attraction to her friends and I quickly wanted to take off my wingman uniform. Van is a pretty easy going dude and he didn’t need me to entertain anyone for him to have fun with his girl. I gave Van the look and he was cool with me going to take a lap around the Sandbar to see what else was out there.
I took a couple laps around the inside of Sandbar.  I circled around and spotted a girl who caught my eye immediately and was definitely my type. The girl was sitting at a table with her friend, she had long dark hair and pretty smile. I’ve had a girl catch my eye many times but after a quick evaluation there wasn’t an urge to make something happen immediately since I am not the aggressive type but this time was different. I went to talk to Van and told him I had to talk to this girl and without even asking Van was ready to play wingman better than I was for him earlier in the night, he’s a good dude like that.    As I got closer, I kinda had pause because of the fact the head security guard was feeding her and her friend drinks. He was the proto-security guard that you would see at a club or bar, bald headed white guy who liked to stick out his chest and probably enjoyed getting the opportunity to put drunk people in a headlock and high five his team for being able to knock out someone who could barely stand up straight in the first place.

There was an open table next to her so I swooped it up. I would look at the videos on the televisions and steal glances with the mystery woman to my left.  I didn’t notice if she glanced back or was even aware that I was there. Maybe she was stuck up, maybe the security guard was her boyfriend and she wasn’t there to do anything other than drink for free. I noticed that she enjoyed drinks that had leaves in them and they kept on coming which made my window small to make a move. The security guard was giving this girl most of his time which made me take the gamble and make my move. It could be my only in to find out more about this girl without seeming blatantly disrespectful to the security guard who was dating this girl or at the least vying for her attention. I commented about her friends “briefcase” that she brought to the bar and tried to break the ice by joking that she was just coming from the courtroom or brought her homework to the bar. This was a gamble that I had to take, maybe the friend thought I was hitting on her and if she thought I was nice she could have called dibs and my hopes of talking to that girl could have ended there. Luckily for me, the friend was attracted to black dudes and politely laughed at my comment but she was definitely not into me but who gives a shit, I just needed to get to the table.

I was nervous, who wouldn’t be?  You only get one chance to make your first impression but it was good because we had stuff in common. I made my move and Jimmy “the security guard” Meathead noticed and the free drinks came to a screeching hault!  Phase one was complete. There was something about her that wasn’t like most girls. We started to talk and it became clear she rarely went out and it showed because her chief interests were mainly television shows. Her name was Angelene.  She loved and treasured the television show “Friends” even in the year 2012. We talked about Entourage and how on most weekend nights she would be at home (living with her mom) on the couch, watching murder mysteries or Dateline.

I went back and forth trying to figure out if this girl was just drunk and talking to me just to pass the time or was this pretty girl actually into me. I ignored my insecurity and tried to press on by talking about her interests. I asked her normal questions when trying to figure out if we actually clicked or if I should chop the night up as a loss.  Come to find out she was single and I was single but I don’t recall any specifics that would really lead me to believe that she liked me for sure. Angeline didn’t ask many questions about me which could have been a bad sign, but I remember she said she worked for a skin care company. My uncertainties told me that maybe she was a model or high maintenance and possibly out of my league, but her innocence eventually shined through.

I came to a crossroads when the last call lights came on and her and her friend talked about getting home where I was just going to concede to having a fun night talking to a nice girl. Angelene being either the nice girl, or the master manipulator made sure to say thank you to the security guard for inviting her out and buying her drinks. I took this as a sign that maybe the night wasn’t what I thought and we would go our separate ways as the security guard shuffled Angelene and her friend into a cab. I started to walk towards our ride but then I decided to go all in and jumped into the cab and put my dignity on the line.  It was like a Nora Ephron moment.  She gave me her number but seemed unsure about the whole thing.  I dialed her number to wait for her phone to light up but NOPE, she gave me a wrong number. It was like a Michael Scott moment.  My sober self probably would have retreated in defeat, but I pushed forward and swallowed my pride to listen to her lame excuse to why she gave out a wrong number. I had to call my phone from hers to get her real number and I would have never used it if she didn’t text me when she and her friend got home.  The night was a success.  
The texts through the week were short and sweet.   She didn’t like her job and I was working dumb hours, but we kept in touch. Getting to know Angelene was great and I was intrigued by her innocence and beauty but just couldn’t figure out how the two went together.

Call me old fashion, but I believed in the age of text messages and Facebook messenger a phone call is the least a guy could do to ask someone out on a date. I called Angelene early in the week to ask her out but the notion seemed foreign to her. She answered the phone as if she hasn’t ever used her Iphone to communicate and asked if “I butt dialed her.” This caught me off guard and threw off my scripted and practiced invitation.  I made sure to ask her out on a date in the middle of the week to up the odds of her not having plans.  To me that date was set in stone so when the day came I figured I would pick Angelene up from her house.  I didn’t really want to pick up Angelene from her parents’ house because she seemed so angelic and nice.  I just imagined having to meet her whole family and getting the stink eye from her dad and brothers but I was a gentlemen and asked for her address. Again I was caught off guard when she seemed timid to give me her address and was surprised that someone would pick her up from her house. I’m just trying to be a good dude.  So I’m like ok, you ready and she explained that she needed more time because she had to do her nails and get ready still. I figured the sushi spot closed late and I didn’t have any reservations so I wasn’t going to let it deter me. I picked Angelene up from her mother’s house and when she came out of the house I automatically knew she was out of my league. With a fresh coat of paint on her nails, I figured she just threw something together in order to get a free dinner because she still seemed shocked that this “date” was happening. The night went on in the sushi restaurant and Angelene opened up a little more and talked about some of her family members whom she didn’t like. It wasn’t what I expected to hear the first date but I was glad to hear about real people and not the cast of Friends.  The date may have taken a step back when it came time to order.   Angelene told me  that she ate a cheese crisp because she didn’t really think I was actually going to follow through on the date.  Angelene didn’t eat much sushi because she was full from that damn cheese crisp.  After sushi, we went to see Finding Nemo because for some reason it was being re-released. Angelene was to full to eat sushi, but insisted that we get plenty of popcorn while at the movie. I don’t know how much of the movie that Angelene saw because she hid her sleepy eyes behind the 3D glasses that came with the expensive ass movie tickets I bought. It was late, so I figured I would just take her right home to her mother’s house. We lingered around like there should have been the first kiss.  I resisted because I thought that this was going to be our first and last date. I couldn’t help to think otherwise based on the not eating my food and not watching my movie. I played it cool and did the gentlemen thing by walking her to her door and telling her I had fun even though I spent a good amount of money and was already starving again. I was on my way home getting ready to downplay my interest in Angelene so I could tell Van why I wasn’t going to put her on my team and then  Angelene text me that she had a really good time, despite her actions, and that’s when I knew she couldn’t get enough of me!

Justin and Angelene are real life #RelationshipGoals.  They’re proof positive that love exist and you gotta shoot your shot if you want it.  4 years later, they’re still goin strong, living together and she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to my boy ever.  They even went to Fiji!  That’s true love.  You don’t go to Fiji if you just kinda like a person.  

First dates are usually awkward and kinda weird but you know if you actually dig the person even after having a few hurdles to jump over throughout the night.  Justin’s story is proof positive that you just gotta go for it.  She didn’t eat the sushi and didn’t watch Finding Nemo but she enjoyed herself because she connected with Justin.  We all are looking for that someone to love and for someone to love us back.  We want to have that best friend to share our time, efforts and life with.  Justin lucked up and found that in spades!  

Let’s Play House

For the past couple of weeks I’ve been wondering if I have, at this moment in my life, the maturity and enough love to live with a woman I’m in a relationship with.  The easy answer is yeah, of course.  How hard could it be?  It’s only a roommate with boobs who I can have sex with and split the rent.  That’s seems like a pretty good setup if you ask me. The realistic answer is I think so, but it’ll be difficult to automatically just have someone all in your space.  Yesterday, a brotha was eatin an apple watching Divorce Court in my draws and today bae is lookin at you like “nigga, is this what you do all day?”  “Today is cleanin day, so turn off Lynn Toler and let’s clean this bathroom.”

I’m a pretty messy dude.  I don’t like the pad to be too cold, I’m a tropical people.  I enjoy my alone time.  When I fry up some catfish, I wanna listen to Parliament super loud.  I prefer to walk around in just my underwear and tube socks.  I get super moody for no reason.  I wanna watch movies at the crib and yell at the screen.  I don’t like having random people over the spot.  Sunday mornings I loudly jam old school gospel music and just exist.  

Calling her neat and organized is an understatement.  Even if it’s only 75 degrees outside she’s not comfortable unless it’s at like 55 or some shit.  She always wants to talk about her feelings.  She doesn’t cook cause her mama or daddy didn’t teach her how.  She is always dressed looking cute until it’s time for bed.  There’s no talking when The Bachelorette is on, and yes she wants me to watch it with her!  She loves to entertain and throw dinner parties like they do in the movies.  Sunday mornings is for sleeping in for her so that Mighty Clouds of Joy better be turned down buddy!

These two people, because of cupid and a night of drunken flirting at a mutual friend’s party, love each other.  Despite knowing they’re opposite in many ways, they feel like they can finally take the next step in their relationship and move in together.  I mean, she’s been going over to his house all the time so she knows he walks around in only underwear and tube socks and he’s been spending the nights over her house so he already has a snuggie and multiple blankets because he knows she lives in a damn ice box. The question is can either of them change certain aspects of themselves or their daily routines for the sake of the household?

I asked some of my buddies to hit me with what they went through when they first moved in with their boyfriend or girlfriend.  What did they change?  What did they stop doing?  What did they not not do until they became more comfortable.  And for the record, NO I am NOT moving in with a girlfriend.  It’s just thoughts. With that said, here’s what some of my buddies had to say about moving in with their people for the first time.

Jarron R. (my cousin from Naptown/2-G legend) on what routines he changed: “Farting in the bed.  Morning Shits.  Keeping your phone on silent and hide your dirty draws lol”

Jacob C. (My tall Montana brother from another mother) on the one thing that matters in life:  “The first time I lived with a girlfriend I refused to poop at home when she wasn’t at work.  I also always had a phobia of pooping in public.  I would get gnarly stomach aches”

Nikki C. (My best buddies best wife) being scared to do, well you know:  “At first I refused to poop or fart, probably for the first year we lived together.  We’ve been together for so long it’s fair game but I still can’t poop in front of him.  He does it all the time.”

Becky B. (Dopest blonde chick in the game and Becky B. sounds like a 80’s B-girl dancer) with something non-poop related:  “I had to start taking allergy medicine because I’m allergic to cats.  Lawl”

Daryll H. (The coolest person to ever rep Philly or Temple U…EVER) talkin that real:  “It’s been pretty smooth for me.  Just little things like figuring out who needs the shower first, turning down the tv if one of us has to work early, etc.  I will say, though, that one of my BF’s could NEVER figure out how to take his damn shoes off and not walk on the carpet in them.  That was sooooooo annoying.  Also, dudes are dirty and never put down the toilet seat.  My cat kept drinking out of the toilet until he remembered to put it down after every use.  *shivers*”

Alex H. (Best friend/We both have Waynehead as our spirit man) had to let multiple runs go:  “I had to take the term “run it back” out of my vocabulary.  Madden games take entirely too long.  Before she moved in I could get a couple games in.  After she moved in anything over one game and she was gonna be salty!”

Jessica H. (Best Friend’s Wife/I don’t know who her spirit man is) on the importance of toothpaste:  “The first thing that comes to mind is toothpaste!  I remember Alex and I got into a huge argument about the damn toothpaste!  Apparently, I was doing it all wrong!!  I needed to start at the bottom and work it up to the top to maximize the most amount of toothpaste in the tube.  In addition, I needed to be less messy with the application from tube to brush.  I left too much behind on the top of the tube.  True Story.  Shit was a huge ordeal.”

Jamie W.  (San Fran’s greatest marathon runner ever to hit The Mission) saying it’s all about space:  “Hmm…Well, since he moved into a place I was already living, I think he probably adapted to me and my routines more than I did to his (he now has tea time with me every night because that’s just what I do!).  The biggest change for me, since we live in SF, we share a small studio is space.  When he moved in, my already small closet space was cut in half!!  I have to periodically go through my closet and just get rid of anything that isn’t in use.  It’s hard to cram all of my clothes into my side of the closet, so I’ve just started leaving clothes in the clean laundry hampers.  I’m staring at two baskets full of clean clothes that I should put away, I just don’t wanna bother.  I think i’m more annoying than he is.”

J.D.R. (He lived on the westside of Indy in the hood so he’s down and he really tall) getting all truthful and stuff:  “Man, what didn’t I have to change?  I lost hanger privileges, lost all use of the closet, and I wasn’t allowed to save my whiskey bottles.

Then there was the constant getting use to never having a blanket.  I mean I started the nights with them, but about an hour later, I was always freezing because they were balled up around someone else and knotted at their knees.  

I had to get use to my friends becoming our friends.  Then you couldn’t complain about nothing and then if anything ever happened you really got to find out who was with who!

I mean, if you’re going to choose to move in with your girl, as a guy, I’m expecting that.  I’m open to losing space and finding potpourri in the weirdest places.  I’m not good at making a spot feel like home, but that’s why you make that choice of making a home together.  If that shit bothers you, you made the mistake of moving in when you weren’t ready.”

Derek E. (Punk rock Derek a.k.a. Mr. master the bass in 3 days) on timing being right:  “Haha hmmmmm I had to stop sleeping with other chicks!  Haha but really.  Honestly, this time since I feel like I met the right chick nothing had to change.  Some things certainly did change and rent is a little more affordable.  I think the key is if you’re with the right person you don’t have that feeling of things having to change.  I don’t feel pressure of needing to change, more of wanting to, to make your own life better.  That make sense?”

Jason W.  (The greatest writer America has ever produced/lover of hot sauce) giving some dope insight:  “I grew up sharing a bedroom with two brothers, so as an adult I’ve valued personal space pretty vigorously.  Sharing space with a partner requires significant adaptation, and for me the chief one is simply recognizing when one of my personal ticks is based on nothing but my own neurosis.  My wife leaves her shoes everywhere and it’s insane to me, but it’s nothing compared to my own weird things:  stockpiling unopened mail, stacking books and records and assorted shit everywhere, being very particular about which lights are on and which are left off.  With any amount of reflection, sharing space makes you as aware of your own batty tendencies as it does someone else’s.  So just chill out, and if you’re going to suggest someone make a change, be willing to make a few yourself.”

Seaun E. Sr. (½ of North Chicago’s finest) giving some real actual factual advice:  “The things that changed for my wife and I was the things that we did openly in our own home and to modify them.  For example, using the bathroom with the door open (my wife’s issue) or leaving chewed gum on the dresser (my issue), and ultimately respecting each other’s time and space.  The first two examples are called intimacy diversions and they are small things that can suck the intimacy out of the relationship so communication on what get’s you your nerve is effective and much needed.”

Chauncey E.(The other half of North Chicago’s finest) talking about ya lady’s sleeping patterns:  “So as I think about the first time I moved in with my lady and it happened to be with my wife, there were a few things I had grown accustomed to, but the hardest struggle had to be sleeping times.  I know what you’re thinking, sleep and wake up, no big deal right?  Wrong!  My wife does not like to wake up earlier than her expected time which sucks because she wants me to stay in bed with her without making any noise.  Lord forbid I laughed at the Wayans Bros when they came on at night.  She would hit me with the re-enactment of Hiroshima.  If I would go to the bathroom or get water and a snack in the middle of the night, immediately she is waking up with a look of disturbance asking what am i doin?  I would think to myself, “Sorry Punkin, next time I will float out of the bed and get my midnight snack and fly back into bed without waking you.  Safe to say she had gotten better at adjusting to the world continuing it’s circle on the axis as she sleeps.”

I feel like now that I’ve gotten some insight from some of my favorite people, this moving in together business- when it actually does go down, when I actually find the perfect lady to share my time, space and groceries with will be a wonderful challenge.  Nothing comes easy in the messy game of love. I mean whoda thought toothpaste would be a point of contention?  Never for a second thought the daily bowel movements would need to be done in secrecy.  I mean sure, don’t destroy the bathroom and probably invest in some glade plug ins but outside of that it can’t be that big of a deal.  But i’ve never lived with a girlfriend before. But I truly believe that if you’re actually in love with each other nothing is that big of a deal.  I assume there’s more talking about each other’s buggaboos and even more compromising in every aspect of your new lives, but if you love that person then it’s just making life even more doper and interesting than it’s ever been.  I’ll take the bad arguments and petty bickering all day if I know that I get to put on my pajamas at night after being in my draws and tube socks all day and lay with the woman I plan on building a life with.